Philosopher's Stone

Monday, January 03, 2005

Revelations and Resolutions

Ahem...Here we are once again at that time of year where many of us pause to both reflect on the past and contemplate the future...Happy New Year Everyone! For reasons that I am about to divulge; I have an even greater appreciation for the present - the here and now, today, this very moment...

I had a personal revelation of epic proportions on New Year's Eve; it suddenly dawned on me that I am very much alive, in good physical health and with all my faculties intact - (some may argue the latter point). Anyway, to backtrack a little...a funny thing happened to me. Five-years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Whoa...wait a minute - I assure you I am not a saddistic freak and if you read on, I promise there is humour in my tale.

My diagnosis with "The Big C" came a mere three-years after losing my first husband (aged 46 at the time) also to cancer, and just six-weeks after losing my dear mother to lung disease. This definitely was NOT funny and in fact, was bloody awful. So here I was, a widow with three teen-aged children; still mourning the loss of my husband and mother and simultaneously struggling to grasp the seriousness of having a life-threatening disease. I was thus more "with death" than alive; I mean, I REALLY felt like I was on the personal hit-list of the spectre of death himself and was dead -certain (pun intended) that it would anhilate me in the space of one year, or two at the very most. Gone was my ability to indulge in five or ten-year plans.

And here's where the humour comes in: along with the recent revelation that I'm still a living and breathing entity on this planet came momentary confusion and loss. Shit...I'm not dead; NOW WHAT DO I DO?! I serioulsy had not anticipated "being here" in the year 2005, and planning for LIFE is a whole hell of a lot different than planning for DEATH!

Well, to make a long story short(er); I decided to give myself permission to indulge in the luxury of once again making New Year's Resolutions, (isn't HOPE marvelous?!) My survival thus far could not have been possible without the love, encouragement and support of many friends and loved ones. I therefore resolve to give back some of what I have taken and to be present in the lives of those whom I care about. I will endeavor to love, support and encourage them in their times of darkness and to awaken them to the "Power of the Present." At the same time, I also resolve to let go of those relationships that cause me frustration and angst and are a waste of my time and energy. Because hey...Life is way too short for that crap!

Seize the Day!

"The Philosopher's Stone."